THE SHAME OF IT
THE SHAME OF IT
By John Thomas Tuft
Tandy Blue likes getting up each morning to feed his chickens. He’ll scoop some grain out of the galvanized tub with the cut off bottom half of a plastic milk bottle, shake it around on the ground for his ‘girls’ to scratch and peck. Then into the garden to walk along the rows checking on the plants he’s tended from seeds from last years bounty. Into the shed to collect eggs, off to the small orchard to check out the hives, then back to the house to finally feed the none-too-patient dogs. Then, and only then, would Tandy allow himself that first cup of coffee. While he takes first three sips then one big gulp, same process each and every time, Tandy Blue studies the calendar hanging on the side of the cabinet next to the window over the kitchen sink. Watching the circled day grow closer and closer. His day of shame.
Elizabeth Grady dreads getting up most mornings. She tries to turn over and get some more sleep, but she cannot. The pillows are too warm now and her legs feel restless. Elizabeth tries to avoid the mirror in the bathroom. She’s sure that she looks a mess. Each and every day. First things first, she goes to the waiting coffee pot and pours out a cup, drinks it down and pours a second before taking a seat in her favorite chair. The scalding heat is her reminder, each and every time, of a long-ago pain. She tries to sit in silence and let time pass without her watching. But it’s no use. Elizabeth lets her hand rest on the side table that holds the old lamp. Beside the old lamp sits a stack of loose papers. Her manuscript. Her story of the shame.
Bobbi Grady-Blue wakes up most mornings around 11. She fashions herself as more of a night person. Particularly since she plays bass in a band called No More F**king Nations. At the Starbucks on the corner, she slouches at a corner table as she scrolls through online videos. She takes a sip of the caramel macchiato flavored froth, displaying a part of her bare arm as she reaches. Bare but not naked. She’s proud of the tat sleeve she’s working on for her left arm. It is almost finished. There is one space still open. She doodles on a napkin trying to get it right for the tattoo artist. A clenched fist, except for one pointing finger. One pointing finger, aimed at a heart. With one solitary tear falling. A symbol of shame.
Tandy Blue wakes up on the morning of the awaited day. He tries to keep things as normal as he possibly can. The routine is soothing. Chickens, garden, eggs, beehives, dogs, coffee. Before leaving, he calls Charlie, who assures him that he will look after the animals and the garden. A man has his pride and his good name and little else in this world. At the appointed hour, he locks the front door, gets in his truck, and drives downtown to the courthouse. Inside, he makes his way to the sheriff’s office to surrender. To begin serving the 2–5 years in prison. For causing bodily harm. While driving under the influence. From drinking while trying to drown a broken heart. Losses mount…
Elizabeth Grady lies awake feeling vaguely uneasy. Living on her own has been an adjustment. She thought at first that it would be freeing. No one to look after. No one pestering her for attention. Lots of time for just her. She gets that first cup of coffee but sits down with it, distracted. The manuscript sits there beside her, unfinished. She’s had the time to complete it, no question. But not the will. It is a story about a woman in love with two men. She believed that she could have it all. She married one and kept the other man as her special secret. After all, love is blind. She had a child by one and convinced herself that all would be well. It is a stunning manuscript but without an ending. She reached the point in the story when both men attend the high school graduation of the daughter. And her secret falls apart. But stories need an ending. Losses mount…
Bobbi Grady-Blue sits on the side of her bed. Why did today have to come? She wants to be there. She wants to die. She pulls herself together and makes the effort. She stops at the coffee shop and orders it black. It has to all be her fault. The blank spot in her tat sleeve is now filled, simply an accusing finger pointing. Family is forever. Right? But her family has divided, and it must be her fault. It leaves her feeling all alone. Music is a refuge, and the band friends are great. But inside, where no one can see, is a question mark. What did I do wrong? Bobbi makes her way to the courthouse and finds a spot across the street where she can watch without being seen. Her father goes up the stairs and disappears inside. An hour later, he comes out, in handcuffs and two sheriff’s deputies. He ducks into their car and soon it is gone. Bobbi sighs with regrets. Losses mount…
Words are magic and writers are wizards.
